1. Just between you and (me, I) Mary acts like a spoiled child.
2. It (doesn’t, don’t) matter.
3. If there is a problem, see John or (me, myself ).

If these common grammar goofs stumped you, you need my Language Lessons. In number 1, the answer is me. You always say “between you and me.” So the next time you are at a party and a friend whispers, “Just between you and I, Mary skipped school yesterday,” explain that between is a preposition and prepositions take the objective case. “Me” is in the objective case. “I” is in the nominative case and is used only for the subject of a sentence. If she looks at you as if you have lost your mind, just tell her to always say “between you and me.”

In number 2, the answer is doesn’t. You never say he, she, or it don’t unless you want to sound like a dolt! If it will help, do not use the contraction. You would not say, “It do not matter.” At least, I hope not!

The answer to number 3 is me. My toes curl when I hear “myself” used incorrectly. You would not say, “If there is a problem, see myself.” In the question, take away the other name, John, and the answer should be obvious. In the sentence: Jane, John, and (I, myself) are headed to the gym, take away the other names, and I is left, the nominative case, the subject of the sentence. There are only three times “myself” should be used: as a reflexive pronoun, “I bathed myself,” as an intensifier, “I myself would never use the word incorrectly,” and in idioms, “I did it all by myself.”

These are only three common errors that are seen and heard daily. There are so many others, and I will point out many of them to you in other language lessons. I will also show you how to improve your spelling in case spell-check crashes, show you how to build a better vocabulary, show you how words help thinking, and show you how to have fun with words and language.

For example, one of my favorite words is ambivalent. It means simultaneous, conflicting feelings. In other words, it is possible to feel two opposite feelings at the same time. So, there is nothing wrong with you if you feel two things at once; you have ambivalent feelings. Parents can feel ambivalent toward their children, and children can feel ambivalent toward their parents. People can feel ambivalent when they cannot decide what to do. For example: Mary had ambivalent feelings about traveling to Turkey because of the turmoil in the Middle East.
Use this word in the coming week. Build your vocabulary. Have fun with words, and enjoy the following story I received via e-mail:

Please join us in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. His elderly father, Pop Tart, also survives him.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
(Author unknown)

Homonyms are words that sound alike but have different spellings and meanings. Some common ones are: altar-a sacred platform or table and alter-to change; know-to understand and no-opposite of yes; hear-to perceive with the ears and here-in this place; bare-uncovered and bear- an animal or to carry or endure; patience-quality of bearing pain without complaint and patients-persons under medical care.

Can you find any homonyms in the Doughboy story?

To use WHO or WHOM: that is the question

Deciding between “who” and “whom” is almost the same as deciding between “I” and “me.” “Who” is used as a subject the same as “I,” and “whom” is used as an object the same as “me.” If you use the following procedure, you will not have to guess at which pronoun to use.
EXAMPLE: I know (who, whom) called you last night. First, forget the words in front of (who, whom). You then have (who, whom) called you last night. Next, substitute “he” for “who” (subject pronouns) and “him” for “whom” (object pronouns). He called you last night…or…Him called you last night. He called you last night is definitely correct so use “who” since “he” is the correct substitute for “who.”

Try another one. (Who, Whom) are you voting for? You can determine whether to use “who” or “whom” at the beginning of a question by answering the question using “he” (subject pronoun) or “him” (object pronoun). I am voting for he…or…I am voting for him. I am voting for “him” is definitely correct so use “whom” since “him” is the correct substitute for “whom”.
HINT: Whenever you are in doubt, use “who.” Probably only English teachers will know which is correct!

You will find more Language Lessons as you continue to read the book.